Ever have those days?

It is the end of the school holidays. That says alot! It is hot and the kids are tired and cranky. This afternoon I have felt my mood dropping, as we approach that crazy time of the day - from just before dinner until bedtime, when the kids can just go nuts.

That being said, I am doing better than ever!

It has been nearly a year since I have needed respite help. God has been giving me strength and encouragement, and weapons - which I sometimes feel to tired to use. But I am more able to see that He indeed lets me rest under His wing as He refreshes and restores me.

This weekend I had an interesting thought. Interesting in that it had never occured to me - that it could be applicable to me (and yes, I will get to my point, eventually). After so long renewing my thoughts (Romans 12:2) and taking thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), that it is starting to have an effect - Yippee! Strange as it may sound, there is a world of difference between knowing something and believing it. And if that is a world of difference, it could be a veritable universe of difference between believing or knowing something, and experiencing it for oneself.
The long and the short of it is that by His grace, He is allowing me to experience some more of His promises. Three years ago i was in a mental health ward, wishing I was dead, but knowing that was not His will. For a Christian, suicide is not an option, but without knowing God, knowing the Word, and having some experience of victories in your struggle, well, it is pure hell on earth. Being in that place you have no luxury of 'the big picture'. You are blind to what is happening. It can be very difficult to see God at all, or believe He loves you. That He wants the best for you can seem a cruel joke! Praise God that He lead me to a place where at the very least - I believed His Word was the Truth. Therefore, it was time my life started to line up with it. For the first time I understood that my situation was not necessarily a true reflection of what was happening. That being said, I am now in a much better position (with the benefit of hindsight, what a wonderful thing you would rather have the first time around, right?) to appreciate exactly what God was doing for me. It was an epic battle. And though the war is not over, I know we win.

So that is a very abridged background to my revelation! (Yes, here is my point!)

Not only am I an ovecommer, I am going to have a huge success story - of my own.

Don't ask me how or when.... But it will happen.

We know that 'being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus' (Philippians 1:6 - which, by the way, I was pleased to realise this last year, is not until He comes again. I don't have to worry about not being 'finished' until then, because God will keep working on me. I'm a work in progress!), but we can also be assured that He isn't asleep on the job (2 Corinthians 3:18).

So there it is. I have learnt that I am not a failure if I haven't done 'x' yesterday. If I fall off an exercise program for a while. If I have a week of not so fabulous parenting. If my house isn't completely clean for longer than and hour.

I don't know how long it will take until I feel like I am achieving. Until I see some results that satisfy me, or that I think I am good enough. Now for the hard part -keeping on going!

Do not despise the day of small beginnings.

Everything has to start somewhere. I have to start somewhere. So here we go.
2009 is a new chance. I can change things I don't like, and improve the things I do. I am determined not to become discouraged, as things take time. Isaiah 28:10 is going to be a key verse for me this year - precept upon precept, precept upon precept, rule upon rule, rule upon rule; here a little, there a little. I just have to keep going. God hasn't given up on me, nor will he ever (Romans 8:38-39), so I am not going to give up either.
I have few goals at this stage. Having spent the last 6 years in a combination of pregnancies (3) motherhood, depression, fit and now unfit, I have some way to go. I have given up on myself so many times, despairing if I would ever be able to accomplish anything. But now I know that I will. I do, and I have. Considering anything I have done an achievement has ,until now, been contrary to my first nature, so it is something in itself that I am now even considering the prospect of calling myself an, dare I say it, achiever.
And now, my son has woken from his nap and I must desist naval gazing and leave it at that.